Spongebob Squarepants: The NEW series Episode 1
by kingofpain1941
Summary: Episode 1! Spongebob has a wierd day working at the Krusty Hooker stripclub, filled with swearing, violence, and sex! Contains a bit of Spongebob/Sandy at the end, but NO LEMONS!


_Disclaimer: I don't own Spongebob Squarepants or any characters, they belong to Steven Hillenburg._

One morning in the town of Bikini Bottom (nicknamed "Hooker Bottom" for its many hookers), Spongebob's alarm clock woke him up. "What the fuck! I set the alarm clock for 7:00 am and its only 4:00 am! God damn it!" he screamed. Gary, Spongebob's pet snail, meowed angrily (how the fuck does a snail meow?). "SHUT THE FUCK UP!" Spongebob yelled, kicking Gary across the room.

"Fuck, I need some beer," Spongebob said, suddenly at his fridge for no apparent reason. As he opened the fridge, someone knocked on the door. "Who the fuck is it?" Spongebob screamed. "It's me you fucking asshole!" his neighbour, Squidward, yelled from outside. "What the fuck do YOU want?" yelled Spongebob. "I was jacking off to gay porn when your god-damn alarm clock went off and distracted me and made me lose my boner!" "FUCK YOU! I DON'T GIVE A SHIT IF YOU LOST YOUR ONE-INCH BONER!" Spongebob shrieked. "MY DICK IS BIGGER THAN YOURS, YOU FUCKING RETARD!" Squidward yelled.

After about three hours of arguing, Squidward finally went home. "Finally that fucker is gone."Spongebob said. "But I forgot what I was going to do today. FUCK!"

"Well, I guess I can watch some porn on TV" He turned it on, but then he remembered that Squidward had broke the satellite dish as revenge for Spongebob posting a video on Youtube of him using his clarinet as a dildo. "FUCK! Oh well, I guess I'll just watch my porno videos." Then Spongebob remembered that he had accidentally rolled onto and broke them while he was fucking Sandy last week. "God damn it!" Spongebob yelled.

"HOLY SHIT! I forgot I have work today! DAMN IT!" Spongebob said. He quickly ran outside and towards the Krusty Hooker, the stripclub where he worked. Then he saw Patrick fucking a very obese old woman on top of his rock. "Hey Spongebob! Wanna join?" he called. "Damn it Patrick! That's fucking gross as hell! Besides, I have work." "Okay, maybe we can go to the bar tonight?" Patrick said. "Sure. See ya tonight." Spongebob said. "Bye Spongebob!" Patrick said.

Finally Spongebob got to the Krusty Hooker. His boss, Mr. Krabs, walked up to him with a hooker on each arm. "Spongebob, what the fuck? You're 45 minutes late!" "For fuck's sake, Mr. Krabs, cut me some slack!" Spongebob snapped. "Whatever, now get to your post!" Mr. Krabs said.

Spongebob's "post" was a room at the back of the club, called the Screw Room, where random female whores would come to get fucked by Spongebob. Squidward, being gay, had gay sex with male hookers in another room. There was also a pole where strippers would pole dance.

After fucking 10 hookers, Spongebob decided to watch some pole dancing. But, much to his disgust, the dancer was Squidward!

"SQUIDWARD! WHAT THE FUCK!" Spongebob yelled. Squidward ignored Spongebob and continued stripping. "AAAAAHHHHH! HOLY SHIT! HOLY FUCK!" Spongebob screamed after catching a glimpse of Squid's micropenis. Spongebob ran up to Squidward and smashed a beer bottle over his head, then stabbed him to death with it. Some male hookers booed Spongebob. Mr. Krabs, who was getting his dick sucked by a whore in his office, heard the commotion. He ran out of his office and yelled, "WHAT THE HELL'S GOING ON!" He then saw Squid's dead body. "Spongebob! You killed him! I'm calling the..." Spongebob then whispered into Krab's ear, "If you call the cops, I'll post the video of you sucking Plankton's dick on Youtube." Krabs growled and went back to his office.

Later that night, Spongebob went home. "Holy shit, I'm exhausted! I fucked 30 hookers, killed Squidward, secretly filmed a video of Mr. Krabs having a gay orgy with a bunch of random guys, and filmed 10 sextapes!" He went home and lay down on his couch. He then began to masterbate to some XXX TV shows. That quickly got boring, so he called Sandy. "Yo, bitch, wanna fuck?" he said. "Sure," said Sandy seductively. "Cool, bring beer and drugs." He said, and hung up. A few minutes later Sandy got there and they had an awesome night.

The End


End file.
